Onward to Baltimore - Good Guys Blank the Browns 30 - 0

Ahh, the sweet splendor of victory.

Well, ol' WhoDave's gameplan for yesterday's game hit a bit of a snag when I realized I'd booked my flight for 4:45 pm, thus making it nearly impossible for me to watch the entire game at my bar of choice, O'Bryon's. For those of you Cincinnati faithful who haven't watched a game there, I highly recommend it. Maybe not the biggest bar in Cincy, and maybe it doesn't have the best TVs, food, or even beer selection, but everyone cheers on the big plays, they have some pretty good wings, and when the Bengals (inevitably) win, my good friend Emily, who runs the joint, throws "Another One Bites the Dust" on the jukebox and everybody is drunk and merry.

Nevertheless, I wasn't able to watch the game there, so I had to split it up between the Willie's Sports Bar just across the river and the Outback Steakhouse in Terminal B of the Airport. And after living in Los Angeles for five years, you can't imagine how nice it is to watch Bengals' games with a bar full of Bengals fans. Coming home is nice.

I have a few rules I try to abide by when I go home to Cincy.

To Wit:

1. Eat one of the following at least once a day: Skyline/Gold Star Chili, LaRosa's, White Castle (not local but they don't have them on the west coast), or Montgomery Inn. I typically put on about a pound a day back in the Nati. People always act shocked by the amount of fat people in the midwest, but I'm more puzzled by the amount of thin ones. How's a guy to stay fit when you have sliders available 24 hours a day?
2. Suppress the urge to drive 75 miles per hour down Madison Ave. Ok, if you live in Los Angeles, you typically never need to worry about getting a speeding ticket. Why? Because your speed is dictated by the car in front of you. And there's ALWAYS a car in front of you. So when you see those brief, fleeting openings in traffic, you step on the fucking gas, dig? But the Nati is so damn traffic light, that it takes the entirety of my will to not stomp on the gas pedal like it's a rabid cockroach.
3. Try to Reconnect with my White Trash roots. There is a surprising dearth of white trash in the City of Angels, so whenever possible at home I try to bond with my bretheren. Sometimes this takes the form of an obligatory wad of chewing tobacco; sometimes it's as simple as drinking a twelve pack of Little Kings; other times I actually have to find an abandoned shack, raid the local Wal Mart, and then synthesize methamphetamine for a couple years. It's all about kicking it old school, isn't it?

Before I delve into my typically pedestrian game analysis, I'd like to send a message to all the airports of the United States: Please, if there is any decency in any of you, install Gold Star Chili restaurants in every airport in the country. Please. You have no idea how nice it is to have 45 minutes to kill before a flight and be able to munch down a 3-way and a cheese coney. That Dick Clark's American Bandstand joint in Salt Lake City just doesn't cut it.

But I digress, yet again.

Poor Romeo Crennel has got to be at his wit's end by now, right? The Bengals just dominated the Browns in every aspect of the game. When they had that 101 yard TD return called back, didn't you know it wasn't going to be their game? Nothing deflates a home crowd more than screaming and cheering after a huge play, only to settle into a depressed "awwwww" when the play is brought back. But c'mon, it's not like the Browns faithful aren't used to being disappointed by now, right?

Let's move on to the Good News / Bad News:

THE GOOD NEWS

• I've already said it, but it bears repeating: Chad is back, and he's bad. I don't have much to add to what's already been said, but CJ just set an NFL record for receiving yards in three consecutive games. Congrats and a tip of the hat to Ocho Cinco.
• Kevin Kaesviharn is turning into a stud right before our eyes. Yup, the Safety You Love to Hate is now leading the team in interceptions with six. Not too shabby for a guy that message boards and Cincinnati sports writers alike derided for being a scrub just last year. Ol' WhoDave isn't innocent of this charge, but I have to admit now that he's becoming quite the little gamemaker, and I mean that in the most condescending way possible.
• Tory James had 2 INTs, but I still think he's done. Hmmph.
• Bratkowski called a great game. Once they established the lead, they started milking the clock. If we would've done this two weeks ago against SD, we'd be 7-4 right now. Doesn't that sound nice?
• We've done a good job of building up some momentum for Thursday's home game against Baltimore. Despite their excellent record, I still think the Ravens are overrated, and I think that with the wind at our backs we have a good chance of handing them their third loss of the season.

THE BAD NEWS

• Chris Perry broke his leg. Again. After picking up a good first down. It's really sucks that Perry's been injured so much since his professional career began, but I have to think that this is it for him with this franchise. I think he could've been very good, but he's simply too fragile for the NFL.
• The Ravens embarrassed the Steelers yesterday. We all know the Steelers have been playing some shitty football lately, but this was just ridiculous. 27-0, and Ben was just manhandled. You know you're in trouble as a Steeler's fan when you get stoked when Chaz Batch goes in the game . . .
• The Raven's have won five in a row, so they've got a bit of momentum as well. If the Bengals lose on Thursday, Baltimore clinches the division. We shall NOT let this happen.

All in all, I don't have a lot to complain about this week. The jury is out on whether or not this whole Thursday Night Football thing is gonna work out, but I guess we'll see in three days.

Until then, as always, WHO DEY?