Evil Triumphs - Good Guys Lose 29-27

I'm completely deflated after yesterday's game.

And so I will stay mum until my tiny brain has time to process this travesty.

Give me a day here, gang.

Bengals / Falcons Preview

It's the most wonderful time of the week, folks. On Sunday our beloved Cincinnati Bengals will host the 4-2 Atlanta Falcons at Paul Brown Stadium. After last week's somewhat boring game (come on, that first half was BRUTAL), I'm really hoping that the Bengals put on at least 37 pieces of flare and really express themselves against the Dirty Birds.

Well, honestly, I'll be as pleased as punch if we just win, exciting game be damned. But wasn't that part of why last season was so awesome? We didn't just win a bunch of games -- it was a live action highlight reel every time our offense took the field. That's what I want back. That feeling that no matter what the situation, be it 1st and 10 or 3rd and 12, we were going to make a play. Since the rash of injuries, Carson's recovery, and Chad's less-than-stellar numbers, I just haven't had that feeling. And I miss it.

But I digress.

Let's do a little BAD NEWS / GOOD NEWS, shall we?

The Bad News

• Atlanta has the number one ranked rushing offense (222.2 YPG on the ground) and we have the 25th ranked rushing defense (allowing 127 YPG). That would be what we call a gross mismatch. I am scared out of my little cotton panties of Michael Vick's legs. We don't have a player on the field that can match up to him if he decides to take off, so Marvin and Mr. Bresnahan best have some tricks up their sleeves. The word around the internet is that we're going to try to shut down the run to force Vick to throw. I'll believe it when I see it.


• Warrick Dunn is exactly the type of RB that gives us headaches. In my completely non-factually based estimate, we've had some success containing power backs, but these little slashy bastards give us tons of trouble. Dunn is the poster boy for little slashy bastards. Let's hope that a presumably healthier Dexter Jackson can prevent Dunn from breaking a huge run.


• We only have three healthy wide receivers. Granted, they're probably the best three receivers (playing on the same team) in the league, but we all know how much Mr. Bratkowski likes his four receiver sets. Hopefully he'll take a cue from ol' WhoDave and line Chris Perry up in these situations. But now that Tab Perry and Antonio Chatman are on the IR, I have to wonder if three WRs are going to be enough down the stretch. Hopefully we'll get Kelley Washington back sooner rather than later.

The Good News

• Atlanta is down two O Linemen and two D Linemen. A couple of them are probable, but with our shoddy pass protection and our shoddy D Line, every little bit helps. I actually thought that our O Line did a great job last week, and here's to hoping they can do it again.


• Chad is on the cover of the new Sports Illustrated. Curse, shmurse. We all know Chad steps it up when he's in the spotlight, and I have a feeling the Chad of old will re-emerge on Sunday.


• Our Pass D. Vick sure had a great game last week, but I think the Bengals will do a fine job of limiting the Atlanta passing game. With Dexter Jackson back in effect (presumably healthier than he was last week), I like our chances of pulling down a pick or two.


• Chris Henry. TJ Houshmanzadeh. Chad Johnson. All healthy and ready to pick apart a second-rate secondary. Is this the game where Carson finally shows his 2005 form? Me thinky so. Let's make a conservative estimate: 31-39 passing for 465 yards and four TDs. That sounds about right.


• With the Ravens playing an away game against the red-hot Saints, I really like our chances for claiming the #1 spot in the AFC North this weekend.

Cincinnati Bengals. That's the team I'm gonna cheer to victory.

Who Dey think gonna beat them Bengals?

Thursday Notes

A lot going on with the Bengals this week, so let's just dive right in.

Chris Henry Will Probably Start on Sunday
This is a good thing, no two ways about it. You can hem and haw about how Marvin needs to send Henry a message, or something like that, but the bottom line is that we need Chris Henry for this offense to be fully operational. Yeah yeah, he's a thug and an idiot, but he's also 6'4", runs a 4.4 40, and can catch a pass in traffic. I don't care if he's a sociopath. Homeboy can play.

Chad is at it Again
Chad's been the Cincinnati media's darling this week, speaking very loudly about how much damage he's gonna inflict on the Falcons' CB DeAngelo Hall. Almost every time I can remember that Chad's flapped his gums before a big game, he's come through with big stats to back it up. Still, the devil's advocate in me is saying that he hasn't earned the right to talk shit yet this year. We all know how many defenders he attracts, thus opening the game up for the rest of our offense, but still. Did anyone think he'd only have one touchdown going into week 8? I truly hope Chad's self-analysis is correct, and that he needs to talk the shit in order to pump himself up for the game. But DeAngelo Hall is no slouch, folks.

Dude, Willie Anderson Owns a Fatburger Franchise
And I, for one, think that is great. Supposedly the loser of the Chad/DeAngelo matchup on Sunday has to work a shift at Willie's Fatburger. Now this is a story I'm going to be following. But aren't the results of the matchup kind of subjective? What's considered a victory / loss? Guess we'll find out.

The Return of P-Dub
Well, not quite yet, but it's still a definite possibility. Count me among the people who were stoked when the Bengals drafted Warrick, followed by four years of disappointment. Yes, injuries hurt his stats, yes, he had Akili Smith throwing passes to him. But I still would rather see Chris Perry line up as that fourth receiver. Why? He's already proven he's a baller. Warrick had a fantastic college career, but I don't think he's proven he's got what it takes to play in the NFL. Just my two cents.

Stay Tuned
More to come tomorrow, with a preview of the Bengals / Falcons game, which can't possibly be more boring that last week's game, right?

Who Dey!

Nothing is Finer Than Beating Carolina - Good Guys Win 17-14

In front of a sell-out crowd at Paul Brown Stadium, the Bengals narrowly defeated the Carolina Panthers on Sunday, snapping a two game losing streak.

This was a nerve wracking game.

The Bengals' offense didn't really show up in the first half, going 3 and out for their first four possessions. It was painful to watch mostly because the Bengals' D was definitely holding up their end of the bargain.

Since I'm not really the overall analysis type, lets just get to the good and the bad:

THE GOOD

• The Bengals finally used their tight ends as receivers this game, and it caught everyone off guard. Kelly and Stewart might not be the speediest guys in the league, or have the best hands, but they really got it done on Sunday. Combined, these two racked up five catches for 67 yards and were instrumental in a few big first downs. We've been wondering how the Bengals would disrupt the passing defense without Chris Henry, and yesterday the boys upstairs delivered.


• Speaking of helping out the passing game, how about that Chris Perry? Only four yards on the ground, but he added 3 catches for 26 very important yards in the air. I missed Chris Perry, and it's great to see him back. Those (including myself) who have been doubting the Bengals offensive prowess are reminded that we've been without a few key weapons the past few weeks. Yesterday, we got one of those weapons back.


• The Defense. These guys played a great game. A special tip of the hat to rookie linebacker Ahmad Brooks, who came through again this week with a sack and 5 tackles. That's one of the funny things about injuries: a guy who normally wouldn't get to start gets a chance to prove himself, and Mr. Brooks did just that. For the first time all season, the Bengals had constant, steady pressure on the quarterback (helped out, no doubt, but an insane number of blitzes). Madieu, Kaesviharn, and Jonathan Joesph all looked great and all contributed to this win.


• The 4th and 1 play. Not much left to say that hasn't already been said six times this morning by other, more talented writers, but DAMN. As Kirkendall said over at Cincy Jungle, "if this play doesn't work, Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski would be kindly regarded as the worst coordinator in NFL history." And he is absolutely right. But it did work, and the exciting, don't-blink-or-you-might-miss-it Bengals offense we've all missed lately came storming back into position. Welcome back, you bad motherfuckers. I missed you.


• Dexter Jackson is back. Although he didn't have any game-breaking plays, his presence on the field means a lot, and I felt much more comfortable knowing he was there to pick up any broken tackles by Tory James.


• Kudos to a banged up offensive line for coming through. Made some good holes for Rudi, gave Palmer more time to work his mojo. After giving up 639 sacks the past two games, they only gave up two yesterday. Huzzah to them.

THE BAD

• If Kaesviharn doesn't get that interception, and Keyshawn pulls in the pass for a touchdown, it's a whole different story. Our defense played incredibly yesterday, and I wish that our offense would have shown up earlier. This game could have been over by half time if Palmer and co. could convert a single first down in their first four possessions. That's just not good football.


• I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Tory James should not be our starting CB. Joseph has proven he's ready to start, and if Tory keeps blowing coverage, I think I'll get my wish sooner rather than later.


• You know, I'm just too happy to gloat on the Bengals' problems right now. I was ridiculously worried at halftime, but the boys in orange came through for the win. Rather than nitpick any more today, I'm going to savor this victory. Maybe I'll rag on them later.

WHO DEY!

I Am a Total Loser -- But Check out These Awesome Pics of my Cat

WhoDave's mom really came through last weekend -- my cat Piggy is now the proud owner of a Bengals neckerchief, and I think it's rad. But don't take my word for it:But wait! There's more!
Even Piggy knows that Tory James can't tackle worth a damn. Don't fret, Tory. The Notorious P.I.G. has got your back.

Tab Perry is Done

Tab Perry was placed on the IR list today, meaning he is done for the season.

I'm bummed out about this development, but what can you do? I just wish I had more faith in Antonio Chatman, who hasn't shown me much this year.

But now that Chris Perry is back, you think they'll use him on KR and PR?

Bengals / Panthers Preview

The tables have finally turned, and I think that's a good thing.

While the Bengals are still a three point favorite in Vegas, nearly every sports website I could find picked the Panthers to win this one, and I couldn't be happier. We are the underdog once again.

I suppose the question as to why the Bengals play better when people have counted them out is a good one, but one I don't have the answer to. But it seems that way, doesn't it?

Ok, enough with the broad generalizations. Let's get down to brass tacks:

WHAT WE NEED TO DO:

• Work on the short passing routes. As much as I like Chad Johnson, I gotta disagree with him. All week long he's been complaining that the long balls haven't been coming, and that's why we've lost two in a row. While he has an interesting point, I'd counter that with all the pressure Palmer's had to endure, we really need to work on our short routes. With Julius Peppers in town and a rookie starting at LT, #9 is gonna need to get rid of that ball in a hurry. Chris Perry should help this game plan as long as he can show some of the flashes of brilliance that made him so fun to watch last year.


• For the love of god, contain the running game. It's not remotely fun to bring this up every week, but if we don't learn to contain the goddamn run, we are not gonna win a lot of football games. Nuff said.


• Rudi on the counter. This used to be our go-to running play, but I haven't seen it that much this year. Rudi is a great power back, but running him straight up the gut every time didn't seem to do the trick last week against Tampa Bay. I know he's not the speediest guy on the field, but he does have some moves. I'd like to see Bratkowski call some more interesting plays this week, especially when it comes to #32.


• Double team Steve Smith for the entire game. Count me amongst the few that weren't that disappointed by Tory James' injury last week. I like the guy, I like his interceptions, but homeboy cannot cover a WR to save his life. This means that our two starting CB will be Deltha O'Neal and Jonathan "My Main Man" Joseph. Color me excited.


• Brat needs to step it up. Better playcalling. More diversions. More play action passes. More TRICKERY, damn it. Our offense has become very predictable, to the point where I can call, with about 80% accuracy, whether our next play will be a run or a pass (and even long or short pass). And I'm a complete idiot. Remember last week when it was 3rd and about 7, and Palmer snapped the ball and threw a quick screen pass to #85, who immediately juked his CB and ran for a first down? That was awesome, Brat! More like that, bro!


• More than anything, the Bengals need to listen to the sportswriters of this country, who have basically given up on them. Listen to them say you're overrated. Listen to them talk about how lousy our defense is. Listen to all this foo foo nonsense and channel it into a laser beam. Then use that laser beam to burn holes in Carolina . . . um . . . and blast them with your phasers . . . Goddamnit. I did it again.

WHO DEY?

Criminal Update

According the Cincinnati Enquirer, Chris "Dope Game" Henry's court date for his DUI arrest has been pushed to Nov. 27th. This delay effectively gives Chris a window to actually play games before he is inevitably suspended AGAIN for his illicit activities.

Pussy Ass NFL Sides with Carey

Big shocker here, folks: on the weekly NFL Network program where Mike Pereira defends (to a fault) his referrees, he maintained that Mike Carey made the right call on the controversial roughing the passer penalty.

I've watched this segment a few times, and I find it pretty interesting. A lot of calls I think are terrible actually stand up pretty well under scrutiny. Of course, that wasn't the case here, as the replay clearly showed that Justin Smith's shoulder hit the ground before Gradkowski's head.

So what was Pereira's response? That the official didn't have the luxury of a replay. For those who don't speak bullshit, here's the translation: "Yeah, ok, fine. He blew the call. But there's not a damn thing to do about it, so shut up."

Let me state here that I think Mike Carey is one of the best officials in the game. He gets it right most of the time, and when he has to make an unpopular call, he usually takes the extra time to explain to the crowd why he's fucking over their team. Not five minutes before the roughing call I remarked to my step brother how much I liked Carey, even though he'd been tagging our boys all day long for stupid shit. But the problem isn't Mike Carey. He made the call he though was right at the time. And given a split second to react, I'm not sure I would've done a better job.

But why can't penalties be challenged? Especially when one blown call can change the outcome of the game? The NFL, as an organization, is like a stubborn old man. It refuses to accept innovation, it constantly challenges any attempts to bring the itself into the 21st century, and it often shits its own pants. Which is why it walks so funny. Ok, I'm lost again.

My point is this: There were two blown calls late in the game. One of them was not calling WR Michael Clayton's late 4th quarter catch a touchdown. One review later: TD TB. If this play wasn't reviewed, the Bengals quite possibly would have won the game. The other blown call was the roughing the passer call on Smith. Non-reviewable, although just as egregious as the Clayton call. And it may have cost the Bengals the game.

And that sucks and we just have to deal with it.

Sigh.

The Questionable Call

I'll let you guys be the judge on this one:

Evil Triumphs; Good Guys Lose 14-13

Well, that sucked.

The Bengals lost in devastating fashion to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday, making it two losses in a row for a banged up Cincinnati team.

As promised, I watched this game at a sports bar in Santa Barbara, where I was surprised to find at least seven other Bengals fans. Alas, all our screaming and drunken revelry was for naught.

What happened?

The Scary Truth

• The Bengals offensive line looked shakey as hell in the first half. The result was that Rudi couldn't get it going, Palmer never seemed comfortable, and the Bengals struggled to get points on the board.


• With the loss of Brian Simmons, the Bengals defensive looked positively brutal against Cadillac Williams and even rookie QB Bruce Gradkowski. Our linebacker corps was already hurting, and the loss of Simmons is just too much. Every time Cadillac got the ball, he ran for a huge gain. Despite all this, we forced two early punts, but we weren't able to capitalize.


• With our crippled defense, the games aren't going to get any easier.


• Late in the fourth quarter, with the Bengals holding onto a six point lead, Justin Smith sacked Gradkowski for a definite loss and a possible fumble . . . only to see a roughing the passer call. On a sack. Yes, I'm serious. It was one of the top five worst calls I've seen in a long time, but I guess that's football. This call was the final straw, and Cincinnati couldn't rebound from it. Once this call was made, I knew the game was probably over. And, in fact, it was.


• MORE FUCKING INJURIES. Levi Jones. Tori James. Brian Simmons. This is starting to get really, really ugly.

The Silver Lining

• Chad and TJ combined for over 200 receiving yards. Granted, it was during a loss, but it's still a step in the right direction.


• Rudi was moving and shaking - in the second half. I believe that Marvin switched the O line around for the second half (putting Ghiachic back at center) and it seemed to work. Rudi ripped off a few good runs there to start the 3rd. Too bad it couldn't have been more effective.


• TJ Houshmanzadeh is incredible. He may have some of the best hands in the league, and I can't think of anyone who catches a pass in traffic better that #84. Congrats on him for a great game.


• This wasn't a division game, and it wasn't a conference game. It sucks that we lost, but if you have to lose one, blah blah blah.

I'm still in shock over this loss, and it's gonna take me a few days to digest it all. Let's look ahead to Carolina and put this ugly loss behind us, ok?

Who Dey.

Bengals / Buccaneers Preview

Ok, Bengals fans, we're coming off our sole bye week of the season, and we've got a very beatable foe on tap for Sunday: the 0-4 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Bucs have a one dimensional offense, a lackluster defense, and they haven't won a game yet this year. Sounds like a gimme, right?

Not so fast, big guy. A few posts back, right before the Cleveland game, I wrote something to the effect that now that the Bengals were a legitimate team, I didn't get the same butterflies in my stomach before a "gimme game" like I used to a few years ago. Well, that zen-like calm has gone out the window since the pummeling we received at the hands of the New England Patriots.

Granted, the Bucs are no Patriots, and Bruce Gradkowski sure ain't no Tom Brady. So why am I nervous? A few reasons, actually:

1. Cadillac Williams. Yeah, yeah, I know what they're saying. He was a flash in the pan for the first half of last season, he only has one 100+ rushing game so far this season, blah blah blah. I don't care. Any time there is a quality running back on the field against the Bengals, we all have reason to worry. Tampa Bay's offensive line isn't the best, but they do have a pair of big ass tackles in Anthony Davis (6'4" 329 lbs.) and Jeremy "Jesus Fucking Christ This Guy is Big" Trueblood (6'8" 318 lbs.). Thems some big boys. Of course, as my girlfriend likes to say, size doesn't matter, but if the Bucs can establish a running game early, we could be in for another 200+ yard day against the Bengals' shakey run D.


2. Kevin Kaesviharn. All indications are that Dexter Jackson isn't gonna start, so we're stuck with Keanu's Stunt Double again this week. Yet another reason to fear TB's running game.


3. The Center Situation. According to Bengals.com, Eric Steinbach is going to slide over and play center for the TB game, while rookie Andrew Whitworth will start in Steinbach's normal LG position. I don't think the O Line situation could get worse than it already is (or was two weeks ago, anyways), but tinkering with the O Line is always a tricky process. Like all of you, I am sick and tired of watching Carson get blindsided 6-7 times a game. Let's hope our line of monsters can protect him against a mediocre-at-best TB D Line.

On the offensive side of the coin, I think the Bengals won't have too much trouble putting up 20-30 points on the suspect TB defense. I'd love to see Marvin and Bob Bratkowski cram Rudi down the Bucs' throats for most of this game, as I don't think they have much to stop him, especially with Simeon Rice out for the game with a bum shoulder.

I'm heading to Santa Barbara for the weekend for a big fiesta, so I'm gonna have to be that guy at the sports bar at 10:00 in the morning, pounding beers and screaming as the alcoholics next to me shake their heads and mutter thinly-veiled death threats. Whatever.

Who DEY?!

Friday Notes

Before we get to the preview, there were some interesting tidbits on Bengals.com today that I think warrant mentioning.

To Wit:

Sam Adams Will Need Arthroscopic Knee Surgery
He claims that it can wait til the end of the year, but this is bad. Because of the injury he's only practicing on Friday, which would explain why he really hasn't been a factor in the Bengals' D so far this year.

Count me among those who were very excited about the Adams signing, but it's looking like it might have been a bust. He talked a big game about how great he's going to be on Sunday, and I guess I'll believe it when I see it. But why can't the Bengals put together a good defensive line? Someone shine some light on this for me.

Chris Perry to Return Against Carolina
Good news, but I've really been so-so on Chris Perry's Bengals career. Yes, when he's healthy he adds a new dimension to our offense, but as the bengals' site mentions, he's sat out more games (20) than he's played (16). This guy's becoming the Ken Griffey Jr. of the team, in that everytime I see him involved in a play, I'm expecting him to go down, clutching that ankle. Not a good feeling to have about your #2 RB.

Dexter and Rashad Unlikely to Play Sunday
This based on the fact that neither one of them practiced yesterday. Mr. Dexter "George W." Jackson is supposedly a game time decision, but I got a feeling we won't see him in action against Tampa Bay. Honestly, I'd much rather have him sit out this game and get fully recovered for the Panthers.

That's all for now, I'll be back later with a preview of Sunday's matchup.

Oh, and I'd like to send a special "FUCK YOU!" to the guy I sold my old car to. Apparently, the DMV didn't get the paperwork I sent them, so now the $1100 towing bill he racked up a week after I sold him the car is going on my credit report. So seriously, you fucking douche bag, I hope you rot in hell.

Wow, I feel so much better now.

Kudos to The Olde 320 Pub

For finding this gem, which I hadn't seen until my man Clint posted it on his blog.

This is one of the best things ever:

Jackson, Jeanty Questionable

According to Bengals.com, SS Dexter Jackson and LB Rashad Jeanty are both listed as questionable for Sunday's game against Tampa Bay. Jackson said it will be a game time decision.

Dexter, channeling a little George W. Bush, also had a few interesting words regarding the Bucs:

“Look at them now,” Jackson said. “The puzzle that was the main piece of the jigsaw puzzle, it wasn’t really that part. It was other pieces that are missing and now they see that.”

Bravo, Mr. Jackson.

Henry Suspended Only Two Games - Vows to Break Odell Thurman's Record by End of Season

Jesus F. Christ am I sick of this story.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Chris Henry was suspended for two games by the NFL for violations of the league's drug policy and its personal conduct policy.

So much has been written about the Bengals' apparent personality problems that I don't feel the need to delve into it further.

We all know that Henry can show some occasional brilliance on the football field, but is it worth it? Let me put it this way: if you were running the Bengals, and someone offered you a middle to lower tier WR right now for him, would you take the deal? Yeah, me too.

Nuff said.

Friday Night Deja Vu

So I caught the encore presentation of the new FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS show last night. Gotta say, I am just not that impressed with this show. Don't get me wrong - I love a sports movie / TV show as much as the next guy. I loved INVINCIBLE, I always get caught up when REMEMBER THE TITANS comes on TV, and I can recite the scripts for MAJOR LEAGUE and SLAP SHOT almost verbatim.

So what's so terrible about FNL?

Well, nothing really. It's a fairly well written show about high school football. Pretty good cast. Decent football scenes. So what's my beef? Well, to be honest, I liked this a lot better the first time when it was a movie called FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. Oh, and I liked that better the first time when it was a book called FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

Seriously, how much juice can they squeeze out of this thing?

Granted, the new TV show, unlike the book/movie, takes place during present day. And they managed to score a few young hotties to play the players' girlfriends. And extra kudos to the casting director for casting my main man Jesse Plemons (last seen thwarting Crispin Glover's evil plans in LIKE MIKE). But is that enough to warrant a show based on a movie based on a book?

As far as the content, the pilot episode was pretty boring. For 45 minutes, we get the following message stamped into our brain over and over: Texas loves high school football. The new coach is under a lot of pressure. The backup quarterback sucks. So you can imagine my lack of surprise when they play the big game and sure enough, down goes the starting quarterback. So then the lovable but not-so-talented backup goes in and . . . wait for it . . . WINS THE BIG GAME!

Hooray, make merry, and all that shit.

Ok, maybe I'm being a little picky here, but I feel like TV execs aren't earning their paycheck these days. If you're going to tell this story for the third time, can we at least introduce some cool new elements? Vampires? A male-prostitute ring? A wacky transsexual mix up? Throw me a bone you derivative bastards.

Reflecting on the Pain

Ok, so two days is a decent amount of time to take the sting out of a brutal loss like we had on Sunday. Or it should be. But I think the reason this loss still leaves a bad taste in our collective mouth is not just because we lost. Nay, it is because we got our asses handed to us on national television. That one always stings.

But not just that. Compound it with the fact that for two weeks in a row, our weaknesses have been broadcast to the league. We can't stop the run. We can't protect our quarterback. We can't stop getting arrested.

But I've always had faith in Marvin, and I should have faith in him now.

Nevetheless, my thoughts:

Our Defense Kind of Sucks Right Now
There, I said it. You've been thinking it, and I went ahead and said it. This is basically the same team as last year with an extra 350 pound has-been in the middle of the line. David Pollack never did that much for me, but Odell Thurman was an absolute stud last year. Yet because of his off the field bullshit, he's done for the year. What are we left with? Well, we had a shiny new CFL player, but now he's bruised up also. Ok, so we're left with one of the worst D lines in the NFL, an aging CB who can't keep up with 75% of the wideouts in the league, and a SS who moonlights as a stunt double for Keanu Reaves.

Worried? You bet your ass I am.

The obvious question is this: Can they play better? I'd like to hope so. So then the other question comes: How, pray tell, do they do that, dummy?

You do something drastic. Something sweeping. I'm speaking, of course, of switching to the 3-4 defense.

Now granted, this plan would've worked a lot better when we had talented, fast linebackers bulging from our pockets. But can it get any worse than giving up 236 rushing yards? Thinking back to Sunday's game, I don't remember the Patriots running it that much between the tackles, but they had a field day running it outside. Since our D line isn't going to pressure anyone because of their inherent suckitude, why not trade one of them straight up for an extra linebacker?

Just a thought, Marvin. Email me if you want to hash out the details.

Our Offensive Line Kind of Sucks Right Now
Another one from the Mr. Obvious department. I still can't believe that Rich Braham meant that much to this line. Palmer was so effective last year because we gave him the time to work his magic. But Palmer can't be any better than Aaron Brooks if you don't give him time to throw the goddamn ball.

Unfortunately, there's no quick fix for this one. Reports are saying Braham may have a broken foot, and thus not be coming back for some time. So my boy Eric Ghiaciuc had better step up to the mic.

This Bye Week Couldn't Have Come at a Better Time
A week of reflection of things that could have been. I had a feeling we were taking the Patriots too lightly, but I don't think Marvin and co. will make the same mistake again. Nothing sucks worse than losing at home. The Patriots did the football equivalent of pulling down the Bengals pants in front of our mom. How embarrassing? Very embarrassing. The kind of embarrassing that kind of lingers for a few years. But mom is strong, and I think she can deal with it. Ok, I lost myself on that one.

Obviously, we have to mix it up for our next game against the Bucs. Some trick plays would be nice. I wouldn't mind seeing the old Statue of Liberty play we used to bust out at the playground, Marv. Surprise me. Enthrall me. Just win the damned games, ok?

Seriously, Michael Lewis Rocks
His book, The Blind Side, officially came out yesterday, and it would behoove us as a society to go pick this one up. Just a great read. Like all his books, this one sounds boring on the surface, but once you get a few pages in, I double dog dare you to try not to finish the thing in one day. Yes, it's that good.

As always, WHO DEY?

Well That Sucked

Good guys lose 38-13.

I hate to say it, but the Bengals were simply outclassed in Sunday's game. The Patriots did everything right that the Steelers did last week, without making the same mistakes.

The Bengals gave up four big sacks and 236 rushing yards. 236! The Bengals could not get any tackles in the open field. Every time we needed Palmer to throw for a big first down, the offensive line broke down and gave up a blind-side sack. Just an ugly, ugly game if you're a Bengals' fan.

Game Thoughts:

• Man oh man, do we need Richie Braham back. You wouldn't think one center could have as much of an impact on offense as he does, but without big Richie in the center of the line, our O line just couldn't provide Carson with adequate protection.


• Man oh man, do we need Dexter Jackson back. Kaesviharn seems like a good guy and all, but my man couldn't tackle my little sister if you pumped him full of PCP and told him she was the devil out to claim his soul. Stopping the run was supposed to be the defense's mantra this year, but it just ain't happening. I really hope he comes back after the bye week.


• Belichick is a great coach. He obviously did his homework on this one, and he hit the Bengals right where it hurt. It makes you think: when a team has as many transparent weaknesses as the Bengals do, how far into the playoffs can we really go?


• Tory James is an out-and-out liability on defense. Yes, he had that first quarter interception, but it didn't make up for all the times his receiver beat him. Marvin should start thinking about Jonathan Joseph more and more. Tory's wheels just ain't what they used to be.


• I thought Phil Simms was gonna cry after Kaesviharn laid that nasty hit on whats-his-spank. Yes, it was a brutal hit, but was it any worse than the one laid on Chad by the Browns two weeks ago? I'm sure the refs were trying to be a bit more proactive against rough tackles after the whole spleen thing, but isn't this football? Rub some dirt in it, you pussy.


• The more I think about this game, the more I just want to forget it. The Patriots showed the world how to beat the Bengals, and if Marvin and co. are worth their salt, they'll come up with something big during the bye week, or else this may turn into a long, long sesaon.