Bengals / Patriots Preview

I gotta admit, I'm a little scared about this game.

Not just because this Patriots team has won three Super Bowls.

Not just because Corey Dillon still has a bone to pick with the city of Cincinnati.

And not just because this week has been a love fest between these two teams in the media.

I'm really scared because I think the Patriots offense, more than any other we've faced, is designed to exploit the weaknesses of our defense.

As we all know, the Bengals are short a few linebackers this week. While we have a good secondary to defend the wideouts, I'm scared that our depleted LB corps won't be able to cover the Patriots' two very good tight ends, Daniel Graham and Ben Watson. Brady is preternaturally good and making solid short passes to these two, and I can only hope that Simmons, Miller, and Kaesviharn can cover these two enough to force some 3rd and outs.

Other Things of Note

• Even espn.com is calling out Tory James now: "Brady would be wise to target CB Tory James, who allows too many big plays. " I re-watched last Sunday's game against the Steelers last night, and Tory definitely lived up to this description. I'm really pleased with the development of Jonathan Joseph, because I don't think Tory has a lot left in the tank.


• Our O line has to protect Carson better than they did last week. For some reason, the 3-4 always gives us headaches, and Belichick is bringing a good one to Paul Brown Stadium. Levi Jones hasn't shown great mobility, and Willie Anderson blew a couple assignments last week. We really need a great game out of our supposedly top-notch offensive line.


• If we can get Rudi going early, Carson should embarrass the Patriots' secondary. I expect Mr. Palmer to throw in the neighborhood of 325 yards on Sunday.


• My mom's going to be at the game on Sunday, so if you see a pretty white lady at Paul Brown, tell her I said hi.


• This should be a fun, high scoring game. Here's to hoping that Brady flips out again like he did last week. Did anyone see that game against Denver? Funny stuff. After a controversial call, they showed Brady on the sidelines, just fuming. So he starts jawing at the ref, and just as the words "What the F-" are coming out his mouth, NBC does a star wipe and they cut away to a replay. See, NBA? You can anticipate obviously-mouthed bad words and cut away. Not only does it keep your sponsors happy, it's also fun to the play the "which expletive comes next" game with your friends.


• I cannot stress how awesome it will be to go into our bye week undefeated. But it ain't gonna be easy. We knew at the beginning of the season how tough our schedule was going to be this year, but we've risen to the occasion every Sunday thus far. Let's put another W on the board and focus on embarrassing the Bucs in week six.

WHO DEY?

Thursday Musings

Sorry for the lack of posts this week (to both of you who actually read this blog). I have no excuse, save that I am an incredibly flakey individual, prone to completely spacing out for weeks on end.

But you probably already knew that.

Regardless, it's been a pretty adventure-filled week.

To Wit:

Odell is Done

Can't say I'm very surprised by this development, but that doesn't take the sting out of it. I was really looking forward to getting Odell back in uniform. With the injuries we've had on defense, we desperately needed a young, healthy body to step up after game four, but now we got jack shit.

I'm really hoping Dexter Jackson comes back soon. Brian Simmons has done a great job filling in at ILB, but I can only imagine how much better our D would have been if we had him and Odell at linebacker. Alas, it was not to be.

Now I've read probably as many posts / blogs / articles as you have about how the Bengals' off-the-field antics are troublesome, and I agree with a lot of what has been said. People often make comparisons to the late 90s / early 00s (pronounced "aughts," you philistine) Portland Trailblazers team, featuring such personality All-Stars as JR Rider, Zach Randolph, and Bonzi Wells.

However, I think our team differs from the Portland "Aptly Named" Blazers team in one key area: The Bengals win games. The Blazers, with a few exceptions, did not do so (or at least not consistently). So the argument these same writers keep putting forth is that all of these "personality issues" will eventually catch up to the Bengals. And the scary thing is that they might have a point.

To add to the Odell problem, LB Rashad Jeanty has now been downgraded to doubtful for Sunday's game. Who will take his slot? Why, none other than the player considered by most football analysts as the most troublesome player in last year's draft, Mr. Ahmad Brooks. If Ahmad can just not stab anyone or show off his gat to underage girls between now and Sunday, we'll be good to go. Cross those fingers, gang.

The Pats and the Bengals Need to Stop Making Out in Front of the Media

Seriously? This is getting tiresome. All I've heard all week is how much Belichick likes Chad Johnson, how much Carson Palmer admires the Patriots, how much Marvin admires Tom Brady, blah blah blah.

I've been out of it a bit lately, but when did Cotex decide to sponsor this game?

These guys are the ENEMY. They are potentially the team that is standing between us and the Super Bowl, and we spend all week talking them up like we're trying to set them up on a blind date? Completely lame. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think a healthy mutual respect is a good mindset to have enterting a big football game.

Shaun Alexander is Done

Bummer, but also a good time to point out that Ladanian Tomlinson is, without a doubt, the most dependable RB in the league, and has been for the past 3 years, but still no one takes him with the first pick in a fantasy draft. Weird.

Michael Lewis is, at the Very Least, a Demi-God

For those who don't know his work, Mr. Lewis is the man who penned the sensational baseball book Moneyball, as well as a few other non-fiction books. His latest, entitled The Blind Side, is all about football, and more specifically, how the position of Left Tackle has evolved into one of the most important positions on the field, as well as the most lucrative.

Because I'm more plugged in than Granny's oxygen supply, I got a copy of the book early (it comes out October 3rd), and I'm completely wrapped up in it. Just a fantastic look at football from multiple perspectives. If you enjoyed Moneyball or Friday Night Lights, you will love this book.

Cincy Jungle is Fantastic

I can't imagine that anyone reading my shitty blog hasn't already stumbled upon Cincy Jungle, but if you haven't, go on over and tell them Who Dave sent you. Josh runs a ridiculously awesome site, and has tons of great analysis of all things Bengals. Since I'm too stupid to figure out how to post a link inside the text, just go ahead and click the link to the right.

More to Come

I'll be back tomorrow for a rundown of the Bengals / Pats testosterone-free contest on Sunday, as well as a look around the league for what we can expect on Sunday.

Until then, as always, WHO DEY?!

Good Triumphs Over Evil - Good Guys Win 28-20

What a game.

Not just the obvious, mind you. The turnovers, the money catches by TJ "Guess Who's Back" Houshmanzadeh, the incredible fumble on special teams.

But we also won despite the fact that we didn't exactly bring our "A" game. Carson threw two interceptions, and fumbled the ball THREE times. Add to that the fact that he was sacked six times, and I think that this Bengals victory was a huge statement.

The statement said "We are the best team in the league. Even when we aren't 100%, we're gonna win important games."

And win they did.

Here's the breakdown of the game:

THE GOOD

• After throwing two first quarter interceptions, Palmer caught fire. Four TDs, two to Henry, two to Housh. Even though he didn't have adequate protection for most of the game, Palmer (mostly) kept his poise.


• Speaking of which, welcome back Mr. Houshmanzadeh. Coming off a heel injury, TJ had 9 catches for 94 yards and 2 TDs. Just a great game. He is undoubtedly the best number two receiver in the league, and yesterday he showed us why. His first touchdown catch was incredible.


• Our secondary shut down the Steelers' passing game. Three interceptions and a few huge batted balls. Despite the fact that Dexter Jackson was out, the secondary came up big. I'm really impressed by the play of Jonathan Joseph. I expect big things out of this guy.


• We won the turnover battle 5-3. Three interceptions by Big Ben, two lost fumbles. Our defense still might not be able to stop the run, but we sure can get the ball back for our offense.


• We won in Pittsburgh. Since the away team has won each of the last four contests between these two teams, this isn't much of a surprise. Still, it was so gratifying to take the wind out of the Steelers' sails in front of their home crowd.


• Kenny Watson, who for a long time has been an enigma to me, came up big on several plays. He did a pretty good job returning kicks in the stead of an injured Tab Perry, too. But that play where Carson fumbled on 3rd and long, then Watson scooped up the ball and ran for a first down, was awesome. Key play from a guy that nobody really wanted on this team. Great job, Kenny.


• We now share first place in the AFC North with Baltimore, a team I think we can beat handily.

THE BAD

• The Bengals D gave up 170 yards on the ground and two rushing TDs. After shutting down Larry Johnson and Reuben Droughns, this was a tough pill to swallow. Obviously, the loss of Dexter Jackson and David Pollack had a lot to do with this, but we really need to work on the rushing D (big shocker there).


• Chad Johnson had one catch for 11 yards. You could tell he was frustrated, but at the same time, when a defense focuses on shutting down Chad, that opens up the passing game for Chris Henry and TJ. While I'm bummed that Chad didn't get the ball that much, I hope he understands that it was a key to our victory.


• We barely got any pressure on Ben from our front four. Everyone knows the Bengals' D Line isn't great, but they really looked lousy yesterday against a superior Steelers' O Line.


• Our linebackers didn't look much better. Without Odell Thurman OR David Pollack, we were missing some key players inside. Hopefully Odell's latest DUI arrest won't make him miss any more games, cause we desperately need him back.

Overall, we got what we needed: A division win against the reigning Super Bowl champs, who are now 1-2. Congrats to Marvin and the boys for winning this slugfest.

Bring on the Pats.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

We have a metric shit ton of good games this Sunday, culminating, of course, with the Steelers / Bengals. And for once, the game is being televised on normal TV out here in Los Angeles. I have to admit, I'm equal parts excited and scared about this game. Why do the Steelers do that to me? Oh yeah, because they killed my quarterback last year. Bastards.

Cue up the stupid CBS animation -- it's time for the Rundown of the Game Points Thing!

BENGALS

• The Bengals need to score more points than the Steelers in this game.


• Preventing the Steelers from scoring points will be a big help


• Score touchdowns and field goals

STEELERS

• The Steelers need to try and reign in their emotions (no more crying Hines)


• Accepting the fact that the Bengals are not only better players, but better fathers as well (looking at you Joey Porter)


• When Big Ben shits the bed, the Steelers need to rally quickly to change the sheets before Cowher finds out and busts out "the belt"

Seriously, I've been reading all these stupid articles about why so-and-so will triumph; why the "key to the game" will be if Spankety Spank can control the Time of Possession; why such-and-such a team is too good to start off 0-3; blah blah blah. Know what I've learned? None of these clowns has the slightest clue what the hell they're talking about.

John Madden might be the most obvious announcer of all time ("If you don't score points, you're not going to win the game."), but he's also the most accurate. For all his head-scratching, Mr. Obvious-inspired comments, Big John remains one of the most pragmatic guys in the game. Yeah, it seems too obvious sometimes, but that's because football is a pretty obvious game.

Now I'm just rambling.

Anyhow, here are my picks for this weekend (no spreads - I don't gamble on football):

Carolina over TAMPA BAY

Two teams coming off two weeks of embarrassment. This one could go either way, but Carolina has more ballers on offense than TB.

MINNESOTA over Chicago

Everyone I know picked the Bears to win this one, and I can't help but think that conventional wisdom is dumb. The Vikings have looked pretty good so far this year, and their defense is going to surprise a Bears team that is over-confident after routing two shitty teams (The Packers and the Lions). Rex Grossman has been playing WAY over his head, and this is the game where all the bandwagon-jumper-oners get to eat some crow. Welcome back to reality, Bears fans: your offense still sucks.

DETROIT over Green Bay

No fucking way the Lions lose this game. The Packers aren't quite as bad as the Raiders, but they're pretty close. Best guess is that this is a high scoring game that the Lions win late.

Jacksonville over INDIANAPOLIS

Second verse, same as the first. The Colts have ZERO running game this year, and the Jags have shown they can cover the pass well. I expect a very tight game that the Jags eventually win, causing every sportswriter in America to pencil in Jacksonville for the Super Bowl. Of course, we know that's not going to happen because . . .

Cincinnati over PITTSBURGH

The almighty Cincinnati Bengals are taking the AFC crown this year. No two ways about it. I'm very frightened by this game, especially considering the injuries to our WR corps and the loss of Dexter Jackson. Nevertheless, don't be surprised if the Bengals blow out the Steelers in this game. If we can stop the run, and force Roethlisberger to pass, it's gonna be a long game for the Steelers. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Ben is a slightly above average QB with a very average receiving corps. If we can contain Willie Parker, we're going 3-0.

NY Jets over BUFFALO

This is the week where the Buffalo hopefuls have their spirits crushed. They have a very solid D, but the Jets are playing good football right now.

TENNESSEE over Miami

The Dolphins suck.

HOUSTON over Washington

So do the Redskins.

CLEVELAND over Baltimore

The Browns were tattooed last week against Cincinnati, but they are going to bounce back and help us get first place to ourselves. Baltimore is not the offensive juggernaut they've been pretending to be. I expect this will be a low-scoring affair, with Cleveland winning narrowly.

SEATTLE over NY Giants

No way the Seahawks lose this game at home. Eli gets banged around a lot in this game, and throws a couple of picks. God I hate those fucking Mannings.

PHILIDELPHIA over San Fran

This is also the week where 49ers fans come back to earth. Alex Smith is showing some good stuff thus far, but not against the Eagles D.

St. Louis over ARIZONA

All my Arizona buddies are WAY too excited about this team. Last I checked, the Cardinals still have Kurt Warner behind center. The Rams are equally mediocre, but they will win handily in AZ.

DENVER over New England

Jake the Snake disappears, and his bearded cyborg clone takes his place this week. Should be one of the better games of the weekend. Meanwhile, a lackluster Pats team gets the beating it so richly deserves.

ATLANTA over New Orleans

The Saints get embarrassed at home. Sad, but true.

Is everyone else as excited as I am? I really gotta feel for my neighbors during the Big Game on Sunday. The walls in my apartment are made of tissue paper and papier mache. Compound that with the fact that my baritone voice carries for about four miles, and you've got yourself one pissed off neighbor. Sorry in advance.

Until then, as always, WHO DEY?

Everyone Relax

Before every season, you get the usual sportswriters making sometimes bold predictions about the upcoming season. I can't remember a time when any of these predictions actually came to fruition, but I'll admit they're still fun to read. But I've found that even more bold predictions usually surface about now -- sometime around Week 2 or 3 of the NFL season.

So it has come to pass. If you listen to any of these clowns, you'll have already saved Super Bowl slots for Atlanta and Baltimore. But you know what? Slow down, big guy. This is a long season, no one knows a damn thing yet. So what do we know?

The Ravens Aren't This Good
Yes, they have a top-five defense, and the addition of Steve McNair means their offense is no longer anemic. And yes, they beat up on their first two opponents. But who were those two opponents?
The Oakland Raiders and the Tampa Bay Bucs. We all know the Raiders suck, but I'd argue that the Bucs aren't much better. Chris Simms is NOT a good quarterback, and on days when Cadillac can't get it going, the Bucs don't have a lot of offensive weapons. Combine that with the fact that they've lost almost all of their star defensive players, and I would be amazed if they won 8 games this year.
The Ravens are definitely a much improved team, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Last I checked, they still have to play the Steelers and the Bengals twice. I'd be very very surprised if they made the playoffs this year.

The Miami Dolphins Suck
Great Super Bowl pick, Sports Illustrated. The Dolphins eked out a 9-7 record last year because of a decent defense and an easy schedule. This year? Not so much. Tough schedule (Colts, Patriots twice, Jags, Bears), crummy offense, and their D isn't showing the spark it had last year. And as I mentioned before, Daunte Culpepper is, at best, a league average quarterback right now.
Just another case of everyone drinking the Kool Aid. I had a sip, and it tasted like shit.

The Denver Broncos Aren't This Bad
Yes, Plummer has looked terrible. And the running game, long a staple of the Broncos offense, has been struggling. But this is still a team that has proven itself to be a contender year after year. I predict that Plummer will eventually snap out of his funk and return to his 2005 form. I could be wrong, but last Sunday when I was watching the game, it looked like he was re-growing his evil cyborg beard. I think this is a fantastic idea. Not only did the beard improve his passer rating by about 30 points, it also made me extremely jealous because my own facial hair just can't live up to it.
I expect big things from this team against the Pats this Sunday. Brady & Co. have looked very beatable in the past few weeks, and methinks Denver feels they have something to prove after last week's televised abortion against the Chiefs. Yeah, they won, but they picked up a squadron of naysayers in the process.

The Cincinnati Bengals Are Legit
And no one seems to care. This is when being a small market team sucks. Even when you're playing excellent football, the sports pundits would still rather talk about the Cowboys, the Dolphins, or even the fucking Jets. Paraphrasing Marvin Lewis for a minute, I actually do like it when no one is paying attention to us. Everyone loves an underdog, especially me. And while two bit hacks like DJ Gallo are spewing about the Mannings and whether or not Rex Grossman is the second coming of Christ, we'll keep putting up W's.

I'm still a little worried about the loss of Dexter Jackson, but I am very optimistic about the Bengals chances this year. Just think for a second: We've beat two teams without TJ Houshmanzadeh. When he comes back (hopefully this week), Palmer will have yet another target to accumulate insane stats with.

As my man Ted Dibiase says, Who Dey?

Big Ben Puts up a Big Squadoo; Cowher Lays an Egg; The Steelers SHUT OUT by the Jags

What a beautiful game.

The Steelers looked positively miserable last night, suffering a 9-0 loss at the hands of Byron Leftwich and the Jacksonville Jaguars.

"Big" Ben was 17 for 32 with 141 yards, 2 INTs, and no touchdowns against a stingy Jags' defense.

And man oh man, did it feel good.

After marching into the 2006 season with a definite swagger, the Steelers have looked anything but intimidating so far this year. Don't get me wrong -- you win the Super Bowl, you're allowed to talk smack. But you better be able to back it up, and right now Pittsburgh ain't.

After narrowly escaping the a god-awful Miami Dolphins team in Week One, the Steelers headed to Florida with star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger back behind the center. Now every sportswriter in the country is making excuses for Ben, and to be fair, he had a pretty rough off season. Well, a rough and stupid off season would be more accurate.

By the way, what adult is still too cool to wear a helmet? It's like he's eight years old, refusing to go to the bus stop in his new coat because it's not cool enough. Lesson learned, huh, Tough Guy?

But I digress.

As I was saying, after narrowing escaping a crappy Miami team, the Steelers were absolutely overwhelmed in Jacksonville last night. Their defense, as per usual, held up their end of the bargain, allowing only three FGs all night. But the offense . . . the offense was not so good. Couldn't get the running game going, Ben couldn't make his passes, Hines Ward kept crying and getting the ball wet . . . you get the idea.

My Game Thoughts:

Shut Down the Run, Shut Down the Steelers
Yes, Ben has shown some great stuff over the past few years, but he's still only an above average quarterback if the running game is firmly established. Willie Parker was held to 20 yards on 11 carries. That's an average of 1.8 per touch. Yikes is right. The Jaguars gave the Bengals a big treat last night by putting Pittsburgh's glaring offensive weakness on display (nationally televised, no less).

Jump on the Jaguars Bandwagon While There's Still Time
They looked purty good last night. I still have doubts about this team, especially in terms of durability, but their defense is top notch, and may be the best in the league. I'm glad we aren't playing them this year (in the regular season anyways). If Fred Taylor and Byron can stay healthy, however, I wouldn't be surprised to meet them in the playoffs.

Schadenfreude Can be Your Friend
It's not noble to enjoy other people's failures, blah blah blah. But damned if I wasn't happy as a pig in shit watching the Steelers get their collective ass handed to them last night. I was in one of those situations that inevitably arise if you play football pools. If the Steelers won and the combined score fell in the neighborhood of 31 points, I would've won 250 bucks. But screw the money, I'll take the press conference with Cowher making excuses with his mask of excruciating frustration on. Worth 250 bucks any day.

"Touchable"
Remember in The Untouchables when Capone orders a hit on Ness's boys? Costner opens the elevator to find his comrade's blood smeared all over the walls, with the word "Touchable" written on the wall in blood? Great movie. Even better to see it happen on national television. We owe the Jaguars a big debt for exposing the Steelers' weaknesses just a week before we play them in Pittsburgh. Should be great game. I'm getting antsy already.

Overall, good MNF night. Thanks again to Tony Kornheiser for making the game even more entertaining with his patented brand of genius.

Who's ready for Week Three?

Good Guys Win a Painful Victory 34-17

Sure enough, the Bengals triumphed over an inferior team yesterday, handily defeating the Cleveland Browns in front of a sold-out Paul Brown Stadium on Sunday. Yes, we got the all-important victory, but man oh man did we pay for it.

To wit:

1) Injuries to four Bengals: David Pollack (neck), Rich Braham (knee), Dexter Jackson (ankle), and Tab Perry (ankle). Of the four, Pollack's sounds the most serious, but I'm really bummed out about the loss of Dexter Jackson. All indications point towards him missing at least a week, and we will miss him tremendously next week against the Steelers. Tab, by all accounts, will be fine. Braham is an old dude who's played through numerous injuries before (including his troublesome knees), so I expect him back some time soon. Bummer about Pollack, but I don't think he's emerged enough as a defensive force for us to really notice his absence. Of course, we wish all these guys the speediest recoveries possible.

2) Chad got beat up. Pretty bad. As anyone who is actually reading this probably saw, Chad took a nasty hit from Cleveland safety Brian Russell late in the game. Apparently, Chad was seeing stars and was "a bit loopy" in the locker room after the game. NO ME GUSTA. Being "a bit loopy" usually means minor concussion. Chad's a warrior, so I'm sure he won't miss any time, but what's the deal with passing the ball when we have a big lead late in the game? No need to risk our marquee players to run up the score. And the Browns' defense was definitely feeling frustrated, so why give them a good opportunity to vent on our heavily paid star WR?

3) Tory James got smoked by Braylon Edwards late in the game. Yes, the game was pretty much over, but if there's one fault I'm finding with this Bengals defense this year it's not closing the other team down late in the game. Tory's wheels don't have the same shine they once did, and without Dexter Jackson backing him up, I'm afraid the veteran CB may be outmatched by most WRs in the NFL.

Other game thoughts:

1) No sacks for the Bengals D. Although they did a great job stopping the run (holding Droughns to 32 yards on 14 carries), the Bengals front four didn't get a lot of pressure on Charlie Frye. The Browns' O-line is upgraded from last year, but they are still in the bottom tier of lines in the league. It would have been nice to follow up last week's sackfest with a few against the Browns, but none were to be had.

2) Two interceptions by our linebackers. One for Brian Simmons, one for Landon Johnson, both on tips. These guys are great at creating turnovers, that much we know. And when the ball is tipped in the air, I'm surprised when the Bengals D doesn't come down with it.

3) Two interceptions by Carson Palmer. One off a tip, one straight up mistake thrown to Leigh Bodden on the aforementioned play where Chad got jacked. On the tails of 352 yards passing and 2 TDs, this isn't much to worry about. Still, it's important to note that the Bengals did not win the turnover battle in this game. Hopefully, not a sign of things to come.

4) Big game from Chris Henry (5 receptions for 113 yards). Although he dropped a couple of very catchable balls (including one that could have gone for a TD), Henry came through in the absence of Housh. I'm glad Chris had a good game, but we really do need Housh back.

5) We got a win when we should have. For now, that is all that is important. We have a huge game next week against the defending champs, and we're going to have to be near perfect in order to escape week three with an undefeated record. Let's get everyone healthy!

WHO DEY!

What to Watch on Sunday After the Bengals Decimate the Browns

God, that week between game one and two of the NFL season is the longest, isn't it? Just itching to see the boys in action again, and all I can do is sit at my desk, appear to be busy, and read everything I can get my hands on about my beloved Cincinnati Bengals.


So what else is going on this weekend?

A couple games to watch:

Buffalo at Miami
I really don't get why everyone was jumping on the Miami bandwagon this offseason. Yes, they finished last year strong, and yes, they signed Daunte Culpepper. But there are two glaring issues that everyone seems to be forgetting:

1) The Dolphins were DREADFUL for the first half of the season last year. They started 3-7, then won their last six games against questionable opponents (Oakland, Buffalo, Tennessee, and the Jets were four of them). Besides Culpepper they didn't make any big moves. Why a 9-7 team with glaring issues suddenly becomes everyone's Super Bowl pic is beyond me. But what do I know?

2) The Dolphins signed Daunte Culpepper in the offseason. Remember all those awesome plays between Culpepper and Moss? Man, those were the days. Those were the olden days. Flash forward a few years, and what has Daunte done for me lately? His knee is toast, which wouldn't matter if he was a pure pocket passer, but of course he's not. He's a scrambler pretending to be a pocket passer because his knee is held together with Silly Putty and good will at this point. And he did not look very sharp last week, throwing balls seemingly everywhere but at Chris Chambers. And speaking of Chris Chambers, word is he has a bum thumb (fun to say -- try it) and the doctors can't figure out what the problem is. Long story short, the Dolphins' two marquee players on offense aren't gonna be getting a lot done together, save for their weekly cortisone shots (they like to hold hands).

Don't be surprised if Buffalo upsets Miami this week. The Bills aren't much, but as we saw towards the end of last season, they can be good enough to get a W against a better team (on paper at least).

Kansas City at Denver
This is still a pretty heated rivalry, and both of these clubs are coming off Week One losses, so I expect a good, passionate game. After making the playoffs last year, the Broncos are looking a little weak after the real Jake Plummer escaped from his cell and replaced the bearded cyborg that was impersonating him for much of last year. Anyone else catch that left handed shovel pass he tossed last week? Welcome back, Jake. We missed you, buddy.

As for Kansas City, I'll be surprised if the Broncos have as much luck containing LJ as the Bengals did. Yes, the Kansas City O-line is suspect at best, but I don't think that man can be contained for two straight weeks. The real question is whether Huard will lose the game for them. Denver's gonna stack the box all game, and who can blame them? If Kansas City is unable to establish any sort of passing attack, they could be done by halftime. But something in my head is telling me that this will be a good, dirty battle. Plus you get to watch Shanahan's baboon-ass face for most of the game. Worth the price of admission.

New York Giants at Philadelphia


I can't believe everyone wrote off Philly this year, and in the same breath picked the Giants as the NFC Super Bowl favorite. Did I miss something? The Giants, admittedly, do have a great RB in Tiki Barber, but Eli is simply not ready yet. He'll definitely improve as the season goes on, but he ain't no Donovan McNabb.

And why is everyone down on the Eagles so much? T.O. is like a hurricane. He blows through town, destroys everything, leaving a pile of rubble in his wake. I guess why everyone dogged the Eagles in their season preview is because no one can imagine them being productive after such a calamity. Yes, they were pretty mediocre last year, but they were also pretty banged up, injury-wise. After watching McNabb fall in love with his new can of spam Donte Stallworth last week, I'm pretty optimistic about the Eagles' chance of making the playoffs this year.

And I definitely think they have enough in the tank to put down the Giants, and maybe silence a few NY fan boys in the process.

Anyways, none of these games really matter, of course, because the Bengals aren't involved. But I like to stay abreast of the rest of these clowns, so I have an idea of which corpses we'll have to scrape off the bottom of our shoes on the way to the Super Bowl.

Who Dey!

Geathers Exonerated -- Jason Whitlock Found Guilty of Douche Baggery

Robert Geathers was cleared today by the NFL, to the surprise of no one who actually watched the game. He was pushed, he was already in the air, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do. Case closed.

Now I know, as many of you do, how awful it is to lose your quarterback to an injury. It sucks, no two ways about it. And I wanted nothing more than for Van Oelhoffen to pay for what he did. One problem: he didn't really do anything wrong. Yes, Palmer was hurt badly. But the fact is that it wasn't intentional. I could clearly see it in the replay. And after much childish pouting, I eventually let go.

So what's Jason Whitlock's excuse?

For those who didn't read his column in the Kansas City Star, Whitlock whined and bitched about how Geathers wasn't flagged, then went as far as saying that not only should he be fined, but the refs calling the game should be fined also.

Look, bro, I feel for you and all, but stop acting like a fucking baby. Spilt milk, know what I'm saying? You can pout and cry and write poorly-written essays for ESPN Page 2 all you want, but Trent ain't coming back any sooner. I know what you're going through, but channel all that negative energy into something else. Take up Tae Bo or something.

Whitlock sucks. Plain and simple. He sucks when he subs on Pardon the Interruption, he sucks on Page 2 (although let's be honest here, with the exception of the honorable Sports Guy, who on Page 2 doesn't suck?), and after spending the past few days brushing up on his oevre from the Kansas City Star, I can confidently say he sucks in that respect as well. Not only that, but in his season preview, he absolutely dogged the Bengals (picking them to finish 6-10). So you can understand why he's so pissed off about last week's game. Not only did the Bengals knock out Whitlock's quarterback for a few games, they proved what an idiot he is at the same time.

So while I'm glad that the Son of Jumpy is in the clear, I'm actually more excited about Whitlock eating a big pile of crow.

If you get a chance, go ahead and drop him an email: ballstate68@aol.com.

I'm sure he could use some comforting words right now.

Bengals / Browns Preview

After handily defeating Kansas City last weekend, the Bengals host the Cleveland Browns at Paul Brown Stadium on Sunday. The Browns showed some decent game last week, narrowly losing to the New Orleans Saints.

Some things to watch:

1) Cleveland's retooled Offensive Line vs. Cincinnati's Defensive Line

The Browns spent a decent chunk of change in the offseason trying to beef up their O-line, but the Bengals have countered with the acquisition of DT Sam Adams. Our D-line looked pretty effective last week, albeit against a suspect Kansas City line. Expect some more sacks, although I'd be surprised if the Bengals equaled their tally from last week.

2) The Passing Game

If Housh comes back this week, expect big things from the Cincinnati aerial assault vs. a mediocre (at best) Cleveland secondary. As has been pointed out elsewhere, the Bengals didn't really need to air it out against the Chiefs (by establishing an early lead), but don't expect the same game plan this week. Carson was finding his arm last week, and I expect him to put up more Carson-worthy numbers on Sunday.

For the Browns, second year QB Charlie Frye is basically a league-average quarterback with a decent arm but isn't skilled at breaking down a defense. After tossing two interceptions to the Saints last week, I'd be surprised if he doesn't do the same against a far superior Cincinnati secondary. I'm not sure if Frye is the answer to the Browns' perennial woes, but the rapport he has been building with WR Braylon Edwards will soon pay dividends.

3) Marvin vs. Romeo

Ahh, yes. It all comes down to coaching. I, for one, thought Romeo did a fair job last year with a less-than-stellar Browns team, and I think this team will continue to get better in the next few years. Unfortunately, they're just not there yet talent-wise. I think this year for the Browns will be similar to Cincinnati's 2004 campaign. You can see they're getting better, but they're still not a contender, especially in the very tough AFC North.

As for Mr. Lewis, we all know the story by now. He finally has the players he needs to get the job done. With our young, fast defense and a high powered offense, Marvin now has the tools he needs to execute his game plans. Expect the Bengals to wear down Cleveland's 3-4 with some ground assaults by Rudi, peppered with some long passes to TJ and Chad. Business as usual for the Cincinnati offense. On the other side of the ball, expect the Bengals D to focus on shutting down Reuben Droughns to force Charlie Frye to try to win the game in the air.

Summary

I'm excited for this game. In years past, I was always nervous before a game that we "should" win. It seemed like the Bengals always slacked off on games like this, and often times ended up losing to what seemed like an inferior team. In the new Marvin era, however, I feel much more confident in our boys to get the job done.

Prediction: Cincinnati 38, Cleveland 12

ESPN's Debut of MNF

The ESPN era of Monday Night Football began last night, with Thiessman, Mike Tirico, and Tony Kornheiser calling the Washington / Minnesota game.

My thoughts on the game:

1) First of all, I absolutely love the addition of Kornheiser to MNF. As a die-hard Pardon the Interruption fan, it was great to hear they were finally giving Tony his due and giving him a shot at the big game. And he didn't disappoint. People forget what used to be great about MNF back in the day: it was a less-formal, guys-being-guys style format that offered equal parts insight and fun.

Madden and Michaels are great and all, but when was the last time either one of them made you laugh out loud (intentionally, that is)? Tony had some great lines last night, and kept the proceedings fun and light. And this was a first: after Brunell threw a touchdown to Santana Moss, Kornheiser busts out with: "Touchdown, Santana Moss! I got him on my fantasy team. My man!"

Two firsts for me. One, I've never heard a non-city-affiliated announcer actively cheer when one team scores. Pretty funny. And two, I've never heard an announcer call out their fantasy players during the game. Too awesome.

2) I can't believe that anyone is actually calling Washington a playoff-caliber team. Granted, they didn't really have Clinton Portis for much of last night. Still, Mark Brunell? Homeboy is 74 years old. Plus this team just looked ugly last night. The only flashes of brilliance came on Antwan Randel-El's ridiculously awesome punt returns.

Remember in Madden 93 when you could deflect tackles by spinning around? And guys would bounce off you like pinballs? Antwan held a clinic last night.

3) Holy shit is Oakland ever in trouble. Decent defense, but the whole offensive line / quarterback / entire offense looked like absolute shite. Aaron Brooks got positively gang raped on national television last night. Nine sacks. NINE. And Brooks looked completely confused. Especially after they yanked his ass in favor of 2005 draft pick Andrew Walters.

4) All in all, although the games weren't great, it's looking like the MNF transition to ESPN is going to be a good thing. It sucks that they aren't going to get the best matchup of the week (that honor now going to NBC's Sunday Night Football), but who cares? Worst case scenario, you still get some giggles out of Kornheiser.

Now if only they can trade Mike Tirico straight up for Michael Wilbon . . .

Henry pleads guilty. Again.

This morning WR Chris Henry pleaded guilty to the concealed firearms charge brought against him last January.

That's 0-2 for the big man out of West Virginia, and as I said yesterday, this incident deals another blow to our already depleted WR corps. After getting a free pass for his pot bust from the NFL, I have to think Henry's going to face a suspension for his second guilty plea.

Personally, I think Marvin Lewis should have benched Henry even before the plea this morning. Do you know how hard it is to get arrested four times in six months? Not only do you have to engage in constant, illegal activity, you have to make sure someone is around to notice and arrest you. Kudos go to Chris for his unwavering determination.

I Suck at Fantasy Football

In what is quickly becoming a yearly routine, I was completely unprepared for draft day this year. I just moved, and I don't have internet access at my new place yet. I drove across town to Santa Monica, where my lovely girlfriend was decent enought to let me take over her computer for three hours.

She was actually more excited about it than I thought she would be (although the enthusiasm subsided a bit when I told her it was "Fantasy Football," and not "Fancy Football," as she originally thought).

I have a few simple rules for drafting a fantasy team, and they always bite me in the ass.

To wit:

1) With very few exceptions, always draft RBs with my first three picks. It seems every year people forget that RBs are THE most valuable fantasy players. A good QB is nice, but you can only start one of them, vs. three RBs.

2) Absolutely NO Steelers. No "Big Ben." No Willie Parker. Definitely no Hines Ward. And screw their defense.

3) Only draft three Bengals maximum. Yes, I love these guys, and in a perfect world, all of them would start every week. But as I've learned in Vegas, you gotta hedge your bets, and sometimes that means passing on Chad Johnson to get a top tier running back. I'm sorry, Chad. I really am.

Now, #1 and #3 weren't really problems this year, but #2 always kicks me in the ass. #2 is why a dumb shit like me will take Reuben F. Droughns ahead of Willie Parker. The thanks I get is Reuben rushing for 27 yards on 11 carries. Thank a lot, dick.

To add insult to injury, Bledsoe started at QB for me this week (like 5 points tops), none of my WRs got TDs, and TJ Houshmanzadeh was out for the week. Like the dumbshit I am, I picked up Chris Henry and started him in TJ's stead. The thanks I get for this is negative points. Chris had one catch for -5 yards. Awesome.

My fantasy game this week hasn't been decided yet, but unless Lamont Jordan busts out for, say, 400 yards of rushing and 4 TDs, I'm basically dead in the water. But who gives a shit?

Fantasy Football is great and all, but the Bengals will always be my first priority. And the Good Guys are sitting pretty after a win at Arrowhead. So you know what? Screw it.

Stupid Fancy Football.

Good Guys Win 23-10

Great opening game for the Bengals.

My roommate and his girlfriend, who is from Kansas City, came over to watch the game. It's been a while since I was able to watch a Bengals game with a person from the opposing city. The poor girl probably didn't know what I had in store for her in the trash talk department, but I think my harsh words may have helped her grow as a person. That's the rationalization I'm using for making her cry. Whatever.

Anyways, my game thoughts:

1) Defense is looking TIGHT. Yes, we were playing against a diminished Kansas City O-line, but the Bengals front four are looking pretty darn good right now. Domata Peko, in limited playing time, looks like our answer to Polamalu. Ok, maybe that's just the hair, but Peko seemed, not unlike Polamalu, to be several places at once, and made some key tackles, including a sack. Kudos also go to Justin Smith, who's finally (in a contract year) playing like the guy we thought we drafted back in 2001. The secondary also had a good showing, Madieu in particular.

I was clowned in my fantasy league for taking the Bengals D (even in the 13th round), but I had a hunch about these guys. Those who point out our defensive shortcomings last year often fail to also point out that we were playing with CFL-caliber safeties for most of the season. I expect even bigger things out of this defense this year.

2) Rudi, as we've come to expect, was a rock. 96 Yards and a TD. SOP for Rudi.

3) Carson and Chad were definitely a little out of sync. That's surprising to me, only because in the final pre-season game, they seemed to be on the same page. I expect them to be back at their usual ridiculously awesome level of play in the next couple of weeks.

4) That really, really, really, really sucks about Trent Green. All Bengals fans know what it's like to see your QB immobile on the ground, and the dread that accompanies the little golf cart onto the field. I have to give Geathers the benefit of the doubt on this one, and watching the replay a couple dozen times shows that he was already off his feet as Trent started his slide. A very unfortunate event for Chiefs fans, and we all wish Trent the best of luck.

5) It's good to see the Bengals playing smash mouth football this early in the season. We know Carson and co. can be a finesse team when needed, but in order to beat the Steelers this year, we're gonna have to beat them at their own game.

6) I'm a bit nervous about our current WR situation, as this was supposed to be a position we had depth at this year. With Housh out this game and maybe next, Chatman out, and Chris Henry facing THREE upcoming court dates, we defintely could use a solid, possession receiver to play opposite Chad. Kelley Washington is swell and all, but he's definitely our fourth most talented receiver.

7) Wow, David Huard, huh? Yikes. What a perfect example of the need to have a decent backup QB. Anthony Wright is no Johnny Unitas, but he's also no David Huard. The guy had one decent drive, then proceeded to shit the bed so much they ran out of fresh sheets. Again, gotta feel for the Chiefs fans out there.

Congrats to Marvin and the gang for getting that all-important opening win. Next week we face the Browns, and with Charlie Frye heading up the Dawgs, I feel like we have a good chance of going 2-0.

WHO DEY?!

Welcome

The Reds may be done for the year. Yeah, I know, most level-headed baseball folks knew this about three months before I did, but I really had hopes that at the very least, the Redlegs would make it to the playoffs this year.

Alas, it was not to be.

I had a lot of fun during this baseball season, following all of the various top-notch Reds blogs out there in cyberspace. If you get a chance, go check out Redreporter.com, redlegnation.com, and all the other sites in the Reds blogosphere (I really, really, hate that word). They do great work, and they really made it fun to be a Reds fan this year.

But I digress.

The point I've been trying to get to is this: yes, the Reds have failed. But, they did get us all the way to football season, and for me that's enough. You know why?

BECAUSE THE BENGALS ARE BACK!

Rejoice and be merry, in that order.

I had some trouble finding many quality Bengals blogs, with a few exceptions. If you're anything like me, you can't get enough of reading about the Bengals, and so it was with this thought in my mind that I decided to create this stupid blog, uncreatively titled "Who Dave?" Because the Bengals chant is "Who Dey?" and my name is Dave. Yes, I think that's as lame as you do. I'm sorry.

SO, I'll be dropping by throughout the season to offer some Bengals-related words to help the week go by faster, so we can zip over to Sunday and enjoy the fruits of Marvin's labor.

Thanks for stopping by. Please mock me ruthlessly in the comments section. I live for that shit.